


Stupid

by AccidentalAvenger



Series: Ineffably In Love [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-06 04:09:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19054954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AccidentalAvenger/pseuds/AccidentalAvenger
Summary: Crowley hates Aziraphale.It’s not fair. Crowley is so clever – so clever that he fell from Heaven without doing anything Evil. He just asked too many questions, been too imaginative, too curious. He's smart; that's his thing.But he’s stupid for Aziraphale.-------A look at how Crowley feels about Aziraphale and how those feelings developed in the first place. Inspired by Episode Three of the TV series.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I've loved Good Omens for ages and the TV show came along and killed me but that's okay. So here I am, not doing the work I need to and writing fanfiction for it. 
> 
> This is super inspired by the beginning of episode 3 with all those scenes of them getting to know each other - each chapter will be a look at what was happening behind all that politeness for Crowley (I plan to do Aziraphale as well after this) + any other scenes I think up.

Crowley hates Aziraphale. He hates him. So much. 

It’s not fair. Crowley is so clever – so clever that he fell from Heaven without doing anything Evil. He just asked too many questions and picked holes in the ‘ineffable.’ He’s the smartest, most imaginative demon there is – sure, no taste for gore or vitriolic hatred which the other demons relish in – but his schemes and plans end up promoting the natural irritability and mild evil of humanity, winning them more souls every day. He’s clever; that’s his thing. 

But he’s stupid for Aziraphale. 

It drives him up the wall – being around the angel makes him an idiot. An idiot who takes stupid risks without reward and is going to get himself killed. Killed for an Angel – all the boring, stuck-up creations out there in the universe and Crowley knows he’s going to die for an Angel. 

Because Crowley knows he’ll die for Aziraphale – when the apocalypse kickstarts in eleven years, he’s not going to come out the other side. And he’s not going to be able to fight the Angel. That would break whatever of his heart he has left. And he can’t switch sides, even if he would debase himself that much, never put aside all of that Pride that he represents, neither Heaven nor Hell would actually let him. And Crowley would never ask Aziraphale to stop being an Angel when the damn man clearly believes utterly in the wisdom of the Almighty. He doesn’t want Aziraphale to feel doubt like Crawley does and doesn’t want to experience the pain of inevitable refusal. No. 

When Armageddon comes a knocking, Crowley will take a final bow and go out with the earth in style before the war even begins. He hates Aziraphale for that; hates that he loves someone enough to stop being selfish and greedy. Hates that the stupid Angel can overcome all the Demonic attributes that he’s embraced and reach into that core that stuck around when he Fell. Hates how vulnerable that makes him feel. How stupid he’d been over Aziraphale for millennia.


	2. 4003 BC - Garden of Eden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the beginning...

It started in 4003 BC. The Roman calendar hadn’t been invented yet, so Crawley doesn’t know the exact date he met Aziraphale, but he knows it was in Spring. 

Crawley felt rather pleased with himself – the first temptation had been his, he corrupted the first humans. It had been strange that Hell had been far too preoccupied with fighting Heaven to realise all the potential of getting human souls down their way. He’d had to convince the other Demons that getting Humans to Fall was a valuable task, that could corrupt more than just Angels. 

And then it had been too easy. All that arguing and God had left a Rule in the middle of the Garden which could be broken so easily, no effort, no pain. It was like it had been left there just for Crawley. All of the other Demons would have tried to Tempt the Humans with power and luxury, and in the Paradise of Eden, that would have failed. They were content.   
But Crawley– he was smart, imaginative, he asked questions. He hadn’t Fallen for power or wanting to do Evil; he’d Fallen because he asked too many questions, was too suspicious, and the other Angels hadn’t liked that. Being grouped in with Demons with just a by-product of that. And the Demons were at least a bit more interesting than Angels, all hymns and worship.

When Crawley asked about the apple tree, he saw the familiar flash of confusion, of curiosity in the eyes of Eve. Then it was just a matter of stoking that curiosity, of making her aware of that unscratched itch. It was funny really – he couldn’t help but feel fond and jealous of the pair. He’d never met anyone else who was as curious as him, and here were God’s ultimate children – the ones to protect, who were central to the Great Plan – and they were a lot like him. And he’d fallen for it. 

Watching them leave, God’s voice booming with anger, Crawley couldn’t help but think that it was set up perfectly for him. Couldn’t get rid of the creeping suspicion that he’d played right into the hands of the Almighty. He didn’t want to think about that, so he went to see if he could Tempt the Angel of the Eastern Gate instead. 

He hadn’t heard the name Aziraphale in Heaven, before or during the war. Guarding the Gates wasn’t an honour meant for Archangels or War Heroes after all. So, Crawley expected a grunt of some kind, one of those dull-eyed, drone-like Angels who had been the main reason Crawley had turned to the Rebels in the first place. He’d expected Aziraphale to be simple – incorruptible, boring and righteous, but easy and fun to annoy. And Crawley enjoyed ruffling some Angel feathers.

His first surprise was at how awkward and, well, not angry the Angel seems. Crawley had expected shouting as soon as he appeared, some swinging of the fiery sword, while Crawley taunted the Angel from a distance. Instead, Crawley had to start the conversation and got only polite agreement in response. He tried to prompt some kind of angry outburst from the Angel, questioning God and the Great Plan – all the stuff which got him kicked out of Heaven in the first place. But this Angel seemed impossible to anger. 

Instead, Aziraphale seemed to get flustered of all things. And then he went and admitted that he doesn’t understand the Great Plan, the ones all Angels adore and go on about. Called it ‘ineffable’ – that’s the first time Crawley heard that take – everyone else, Demon or Angel, just seemed to accept the Plan and pretend to know what they were doing. He got a sneaking suspicion that the only difference between him and this Angel was that Aziraphale seemed alright with not knowing.

Crawley asked after the Sword, wondering why this strange Angel hasn’t tried to lop his head off yet, putting aside questions about the Plan for a moment. Then Aziraphale shocks Crawley further, admitting that he gave it to the Humans. Which is ridiculous. Because Angels are the Warriors of God, they don’t just go around, giving their weapons away. All that’s been in Creation so far is War and Worship. Crawley hadn’t seen anyone be kind before Aziraphale. 

“I do hope I didn’t do the wrong thing,” the weird Angel admitted and even though Crawley sarcastically reassured him, the Demon is shocked that Aziraphale would express any sort of doubt. Handing over the sword had been out of his own Free Will then – just because the Angel was kind and didn’t want to watch the Humans suffer. He’d seemed genuinely upset at the idea and had just acted without orders in response. 

That’s interesting. Fascinating, even.

It was enough to get Crawley talking about his own worries, anyway. Putting his own head on the chopping block by admitting that he might have done something Good by Tempting the Humans. He’s so proud when he gets a short chuckle out of the Angel that he almost misses the First Death.

Of course, Aziraphale is still an Angel, and that still deserves derision, especially at the offended look on his face when actually processes what Crawley said. Crawley is a little disappointed at that; for just a moment, someone had got him completely. But still. As the first rainfall starts up, and a black-robed figure walks across the desert to the lion, Crawley shifts a little closer to Aziraphale. It’s nice to have someone else to watch history unfold with. Without prompting, the Angel lifts up his wing and shelters Crawley from the rain. It’s the second act of kindness on the Earth, and Crawley finds in touching. There’s no reason, no logic, no orders. Just this strange Angel. 

Crawley doesn’t think of Aziraphale much after he slithers back to Hell, following orders and stopping Angel attacks. Then, a few decades later, the first Human Soul gets sent to Hell; shivering, murderous Cain. Crawley gets called to head office and told in no uncertain terms that he’s being commended and that the new Number One Priority of Hell is to get as many Human Souls as possible sent to the Pit. The War is going to wait; instead, the Battle between Good and Evil will be played out on the Earth every day. And Crawley, the only Demon who’s been up there, well he’s got to start Tempting those Humans in person. 

As he ascends (always an uncomfortable and ironic feeling), Crawley can’t help but wonder if he’s going to run into that Angel fellow he’d met up there. He’d been warned that Forces of Good would be abroad, and he can’t help but hope that abroad won’t be too far away. He wouldn’t mind seeing Aziraphale again; it might even be nice. Would undoubtedly be interesting anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a kudos and a comment, they keep me writing! Tell me how you feel about these idiots; what are the moments they did fall in love, did I get it right, do you have other interpretations of what they said/felt, what are your thoughts on the actors vs the book - let me know!!
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr or twitter at accidentalavenger, so please say hi on there. Will hopefully update soon.


End file.
